Our Emotional/Social Worth?

As we shared last week, we are going to spend a few weeks exploring Women’s Worth from several view points. Since it's Thanksgiving week, we thought this would be the perfect time to look from the emotional & social perspective.

Women perform a kind of labor that rarely shows up on a calendar or a to-do list. It’s the emotional and social load—the invisible, constant, mental-and-heart management that keeps families running, relationships stable, and holidays from turning into small disasters.

It looks small on the surface: remembering who likes what, noticing tensions before they erupt, making sure no one is left out, smoothing the edges of a gathering.

But when this load is carried continuously, it can be heavy. And it's overwhelmingly women who carry it.

The Stats We Don’t Talk About Enough

Across studies and cultures, the data is the same: women perform the vast majority of unpaid emotional, social and domestic labor.

Women perform nearly double the unpaid household and caregiving labor compared to men, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (American Time Use Survey, 2023 & GEPI, 2024).

One study from Cornell University found that women spend significantly more time managing the “emotional responsibilities” of the household—planning, anticipating needs, tracking details—while men tend to focus more on “task-based” help.

Globally, the UN estimates that unpaid domestic and caregiving work—mostly performed by women—would amount to trillions of dollars annually if compensated at market value (UN Women, 2022).

This labor is essential.

A Thanksgiving Example from Susan (One You Might Relate To)

Recently, I had an eye-opening moment with my fiancé’s family. Because we have the largest home, Thanksgiving was naturally going to be at our place. His daughters with their guys, the 3 grandkids, plus some extended family were all coming. And then there is another layer: his ex-wife (of 40+ years) and her longtime partner, who are still regularly included in family events because she is the mother of one daughter and grandmother to the grandkids.

I really like them.
I wanted them here.

But as the holiday approached, I noticed something: no one had actually confirmed they would be here. When I asked my fiancé if they were coming, he said, “I haven’t heard.” When I asked if they knew they were invited, he shrugged and said, “I think so. I’ll call them sometime before Thanksgiving.”

To me, that was unimaginable.
In my view, our people deserve clarity, especially around holidays. They should know that they’re welcome, and that someone has thought of them.

So I stepped in.
I reached out to his daughter and asked her make sure they knew they were welcome. Within minutes, it was handled. Everyone was included. No one was left hanging.

And here’s the thing: this is the emotional and social labor.
The noticing, the anticipating, the connecting, the clarifying, the caring.
It isn’t dramatic, but it does matter.

My fiancé didn’t intentionally avoid it—this simply isn’t where his attention naturally goes. But it is where mine goes. This is what countless women do automatically.

The Worth Behind the Work

We often talk about emotional / social labor as if it’s a burden—and sometimes, it is. But it’s also a tremendous contribution to the people we love. It’s the glue of families and the connective tissue of relationships.

The problem isn’t that women care.
The problem is that this care is assumed rather than appreciated, expected rather than shared.

Here's a question... Does emotional labor have financial worth? Yes! Economists estimate that the unpaid household labor women perform would equate to $20,000–$40,000 a year in wages depending on location and market value of equivalent work.

But the relational or social worth is even higher.

Because of women’s emotional labor:

• Holidays happen.
• Family bonds stay intact.
• People feel seen, remembered, and included.
• Conflicts de-escalate before they ignite.
• Children feel supported.
• Aging parents feel cared for.
• Partnerships function with emotional texture and stability.

Women’s emotional labor is a form of leadership, a skill and definitely a contribution.

The Cost—and the Shift

Carrying this load can come with a cost: depletion, resentment, burnout, and the quiet erosion of one’s own needs.The goal isn’t to stop caring, it’s to share the caring.To create environments where emotional labor is recognized, valued, and—ideally—distributed. Where women don’t carry it by default, but by choice. Where partners step in, step up, and learn the skills women have carried alone for generations.

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