Picking up where we left off in our last article on cognitive dissonance, let’s dig a bit deeper. In that discussion, we looked at why it’s so challenging and how it can be used in unethical ways to manipulate or confuse us. In this segment, we will look at the upside – how we can use the instances of cognitive dissonance to help us evolve and grow in healthy ways.
Though everyone experiences cognitive dissonance — it’s the way we resolve it that determines whether it leads to growth or slips into self-deception.
We identified cognitive dissonance as being the mental discomfort or tension we feel when we hold two (or more) contradictory beliefs, values, or attitudes at the same time—or when our behavior conflicts with what we believe.
Some of the most upsetting and confusing moments arise when we discover that something we believed to be true is not. In those moments, it’s common to feel betrayed or embarrassed—and just as often, the instinct is to resolve the discomfort by avoiding, rather than engaging with, the new information or understanding.
Very often, in our attempts to avoid uncomfortable feelings, we double down on whatever belief or position we already have. We twist ourselves into mental knots, telling ourselves things like, “there is nothing I can do” or “the good justifies the bad” or “it’s just this one situation/person” … just to name a few. This is our brain’s way of trying to keep things feeling safe and predictable. But here’s the catch: that “safe” place usually isn’t all that safe—it just keeps us stuck.
Diving INTO Cognitive Dissonance …
Let’s begin by acknowledging the inner courage it takes to face discomfort rather than avoid or rationalize it. Doing so requires emotional fortitude, as we move toward unwelcome feelings—shame, embarrassment, and more—and confront the possibility that we were mistaken or, worse, misled.
When actions and words don’t match then what?
To actually move toward an issue, circumstance or relationship where this kind of cognitive dissonance is happening, we need:
1. Self-Awareness- The ability to notice the discomfort and name it as dissonance.
- Without awareness, people default to denial, rationalization, or distraction.
- Without awareness, people default to denial, rationalization, or distraction.
2. Emotional Tolerance
- Willingness to sit with uncomfortable feelings (shame, guilt, confusion) without shutting down.
- This requires resilience and sometimes emotional regulation tools (breathing, mindfulness, self-compassion).
3. Curiosity, Humility & Openness
- Accepting that “I might be wrong” or “I might need to change.”
- This can threaten ego, identity, or long-held beliefs—so humility is essential.
4. Courage to Act
- Moving from recognition into action: changing a behavior, revising a belief, or repairing a relationship.
- It takes bravery because action often comes with risk (loss, conflict, vulnerability).
5. Supportive Community or Friend (outside of the situation)
- Safe relationships, communities, or mentors who can listen without judgment.
- Alone, dissonance can feel overwhelming; with support, it can become a pathway to growth.
To recap, it takes awareness, emotional strength, humility, courage, and a supportive friend or two to move toward an issue that stirs cognitive dissonance.
We put together this simple process for you to use:
Why it matters …
Understanding cognitive dissonance is vital to our mental, emotional, and even physical safety—especially now, as we navigate a flood of disinformation, misinformation, deceptive sales practices, and the erosion of ethical norms.
Life can feel overwhelming and confusing, but the good news is we don’t have to confront every contradiction at once. Instead, we can focus on the issues that most directly impact the quality of our lives right now.
Ultimately, healthy resolution comes from integration, not avoidance—finding ways for our actions, beliefs, and values to live more truthfully together.